So I am applying for the full time flooring specialist opening at work.
Please please please
No more stepping away with my hands in the air, saying "Whatever you like." I do that way too much.
I'm clinging. I'm fighting until the very end. I'm here, faithful and loyal... only tenacious this time. I'm not letting go.
So I *may* have inadvertently started the Great Home Depot Cashier Rebellion of 2010 over the taking away and crushing our outside garden booth chair in the trash compactor.
It may have been a bad move for Dotty to do that. Maybe. I came inside with the news, and every cashier in the place became large and red and enraged... they are currently doing +20% damage.
I don't like you, tiny ball of anxiety in my stomach.
Nothing bad is looming. No reason to feel sick.
Please leave me alone now, tiny ball of anxiety in my stomach. It's golden.
Hypocrisy, you are beautiful.
And I am so fed the hell up with this. No. No. NO. How many times do I have to say it? How many different ways? Was I too nice for it to really be clear, because looking at the long line of "WHAT THE FUCK I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THOMAS"... I do not know how it could have been any more brilliantly radiantly in your face.
So I say emphatically, fuck that. Fuck you. Get over it, get out of my life. Don't come back this time.
Crystal clear, I've been it.
Stop crying, you fucking baby.
I will not fail. I will not go back there and beg him for a room to sleep in. I am going to make it on my own. I can't let myself slip. I'm stronger than this. I can't go back to Texas. I won't.
So it's my day off, and I'm supposed to go get stuff to make stuff but I wanted to not do anything for awhile.
And it's Tuesday maintenance day, thank you for being douchebags Blizzard, so I can't even do nothing while pretending to do something.
Hopefully Thomas will be back in two weeks when the plant shuts down for a week. Man, this entry is only a few lines long and it's already too vague. I should probably slam down a Rockstar or two before attempting to write.
I told my brother about me and Thomas, and after asking a series of questions (and declaring that an American guy building American cars is "The most American job there is!" and finding out about his football likes and dislikes) he's decided that he likes Thomas and can't wait to meet him. I also told him that we're moving in together and he didn't even seem slightly miffed by the idea. Sweet.
Speaking of my brother, he went to Arkansas for the funeral and was subjected to the redneck-fabulous of my family. Sigh.
And I was talking to Tyler just now and I've lost all the will I had to write about anything. Going to be numb somewhere else.
Cause to be honest, don't feel like writing.
My aunt Vonda died. Lance's mom. Going through what I should be going through, regret I shunned her attempts to reconnect with me. But only mildly. She did put me through something.
Thomas was here for five days. It made things a lot easier.
And now I'm going to further distract myself.